In most European countries it is normal to live together and have children before marriage. As in others – it is gaining popularity. The number of such couples is increasing annually. Why is this happening? I think because it is easier and simpler. And most couples want to know if they fit together before getting married. If the partners are well compatible, probably, they will be able to get along with each other after marriage. It’s logical argument. Why marry immediately when they can live together without it? And they can see if they get on well with each other or not? If they find out that they can’t get on together, they don’t have to go all long and hard way to divorce.
But after reading the article on the social studies on this subject, I was very surprised, because the results showed that couples that live along before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who do not. Do you believe in that?
Various studies show that 50 percent and 70 percent of those who get married have lived with someone before marriage.
In this article, I will try to investigate the problem, highlight the positive aspects of living together before marriage and negative.
What is the purpose of living along before marriage? Is there a choice?
In our modern world, which is developing very fast, and sometimes hard to find a place of tradition. Past the notion of the relationship between man and a woman, which of course should go into a marriage, it’s very different from modern people. I think that now people choose person with whom it would be good and comfortable, no matter what rules or principle are there in a society. So you can find a lot of “non-traditional couples” that live as it is comfortable for them! Therefore, before start to live together, ask yourself and your partner: “Why do we want to live together?” And the answer will come very quickly. And answers may vary. Perhaps you are students so living together will be cheaper and more convenient. Maybe you are from different cities and you are tired of waiting rare meetings so one of you decided to move for being closer. Or maybe you’ve been in a relationship for a long time but not yet confident in each other, you decided to live together. There are so many similar situations. And I think that many pairs start living together because it’s very convenient.
It’s good when we can have a choice – to live along or marry. Because some couples don’t have it. This applies to pairs from different countries. Some of them met each other in the Internet and can only occasionally date, get to know each other and be together for a while. Unfortunately, or not, but they don’t have opportunities to live along for a long period of time (max 90 days) before marriage. And such couples still face a number of challenges as different countries means difference traditions, customs and mentality. And perhaps, different languages. But I will start to consider the positive aspects of living together before marriage.
- It’s comfortable
Living along is much more convenient than just dating. Especially when you live far away from each other, or your work schedule does not coincide.
You get to see each other every day and planning time together so it isn’t difficult anymore, now you wake up and come home together. You get to watch movies at night and you don’t have to worry about not having your stuff with you for the next morning. You cook for each other and have dinner together.
- It’s cheaper
You can live together so live in one apartment or a house. It’s a nice way to save money for wedding or travel or something you dream about a lot together.
Also, you may have a total budget for utilities, food and other household items. And of course different entertainment.
- It’s a nice way to know each other
No matter how long you’ve been dating and how many days and nights you’ve spent together, you will get to know each other in a totally different way once you move in together.
You will learn more about the physiological peculiarities of your partner, and emotional, psychological. His rhythm and way of living, his surroundings and friends. How often is your partner delayed at work, how often he spends time with friends.
Each of us have habits that were formed for a long period of time. And to get rid of a habit is difficult. It is therefore important to learn that your boyfriend/girlfriend has habits, whether you like them or not and will be able to come to terms with them.
Also, some people have their own living rules, which must know each partner. And perhaps someone from the pair will have to adapt to certain rules.
Living together is about giving and taking, and over time you will learn how to live together in peace.
- It’s kind of test
Can your relationship survive the less lovely aspects of cohabitation?
Living along is not only romantic and funny like fall a sleep and wake up together or cook a dinner. Can your relationship overcome all the dirty laundry, bills and sports on TV?
Your sex life and passion will be tested.
If you can love each other even after realizing that it’s not always going to fun, you will be in better shape for your marriage.
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- You share responsibilities
When you’re dating, it’s pretty much all fun and romantic. You go out on dates, you sometimes visit each other’s family and have parties with friends. But you don’t really share responsibilities when you’re dating.
Living together before marriage can prepare you for the responsibilities you will share as you build life together. You will not only share chores, like cooking and cleaning, but you will also share the responsibility of bills that are needed to be paid and other problems that coming up.
Living together is like working in a team, especially when you both have busy schedules.
I have identified five positive aspects of cohabitation together. Probably you have anything to add?
- “Play to be marriage”
You never think that living together is basically a “play to be marriage”. Why? Because couples that live together often say to each other: “I can leave you any time” or “I did not promise you anything. Nothing holds me to stay”. But married couples don’t usually have. Giving the vow of permanence, couples acquire a stronger bond with each other. Also, these pairs have a less volatile relationship.
- Living together will outgrow in a strong marriage
As I wrote above, many people think that living together can give them a great start in their marriage but as shown by the results of the research living together can destroy your dream of marriage. Couples who don’t live together before they marry have more chances to save their relationship.
- It’s not forever
Many couples start living with the hope that they will get married in the future. But as practice shows, this is not always the case. I think for tree reasons: 1) you do not come to each other; 2) one of the partners cheating to another; 3) one partner (usually the man) didn’t dare to make you an offer – to get married.
- Think Marriage is just a sheet of paper
Emotionally, physically and spiritually, marriage is so much more than a sheet of paper. It is a commitment. It is an agreement that you will take care of each other for life, regardless of life’s ups and downs. With some disagreement you will not feel that you are so easy to walk away and give up everything if you just lived together.
Very often, a woman, who lives with her man together without marriage, feels incomplete. She is not sure completely that a man loves her and he is willing to live with her all life.
I believe that children should only appear in the marriage. When there is a family, same surname. When a woman does not feel herself a single mother and that the father is fully responsible for her and the baby.
No one wants to suffer of a broken heart, a bad relationship, a divorce or the dissolution of a cohabiting situation. While living together may have short-term advantages or get into marriage.
I always think that marriage is a risk. Under any circumstances, it’s like a lottery ticket. You can meet for a long time and live together before marriage and get a divorce or you can date a few months and get married and live a happy life. But to choose the way to marriage is entirely up to you.
What do you think? Should a couple live together before getting married?
Wow, Anna, i didn´t have time to read all but you have really good thinkings. I pray for you that you can help lots of people which want to find the partner of their lifes. At the moment god told me not to look about a woman. First i have to finish my studies and then i can be able to found a family :-).
thank you for nice words from you! I appreciate it a lot. For find the right woman and build a strong relationship with her you have to spend a lot of time and make great efforts. So if you feel you can’t do it right now, finish your studies first.